Today

To start, this whole blog thing is new to me. Ive kept journals and such, but writing with a pencil vs. clickety clacking away on my HP dv6000 has a different feel (the backspace button feels good under my finger most of the time) so my thoughts have a different direction too - it’s the realization of knowing that I can go back and fix/change/alter anything/everything I’ve said in the past, or will eventually say in the future.
Comforting.
But also very partial.

I’m not really very sure who exactly I’m writing to. Writing for? Myself. To? Anyone/everyone/no one. Like painting, there’s a difference between painting solely for an audience, vs. painting for yourself. Id like to think that (right here) I’m somewhere in between the two.
So without being too impartial to the events of this past month or so, I’d just like to remind myself that in change there really is power, and in movement there really is life. Quoted by Alan Cohen (most of you might be familiar with Chicken Soup for the Soul - yes - don’t visit his website though… the waterfall and angelic graphics might just cause you to vomit) here’s the full quote:

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”

Asides from the “no longer meaningful” (by which I must remind myself too, that there are plenty of meaningful things in our past that shouldn’t be shrugged off in order to live comfortably in the present) that quote sums up my life right now. I am needing to make quite a bit of changes in my day to day routine. I need to start focusing on myself more and being more responsible towards the decisions I make for my future. The embarrassing part about all of this though… is that I’ve known this the whole time. What happened is that I let myself slip into a stage of redundant habit… and I ended up falling flat on my face. In real life there is no backspace button (oh I love how many times I’ve used it in this blog already) so the only thing I can do from here on out is move forward forward forward.
And in relation to my day (mind you its 11:37 am) everything has been SHIT. Didn’t sleep at all last night (didn’t the night before that either) had the worst time online trying to arrange my class schedule, got to school around 9:30, found out that two of the main parking lots had been torn down, clusterfucks of people EVERYWHERE trying to find a spot, no luck, drove around for the next 45 minutes vulture-izing (the act of hunting down parking spot victims) around every lot on campus, and then gave up and just went home.
Missed 3 classes today.
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck.


Take it with a grain of salt?