just for the record...

i care about you more than i think you know.
or maybe you do...
and maybe i need to also put my feet back on the ground.

but i want to tell you that i really appreciate you. ive admitted a lot of things to myself and have really begun to take steps towards being honest about whats going on. my buddhism teacher just recently had a lecture on how difficult it is to really, truly, completely come to terms with yourself and actually understand your personality (not that i needed buddhism to explain that to me, i just found it coincidence that his lecture actually applied to this). and i know as well as everyone else that sometimes we tend to ignore or forget things that dont mentally suit our own image. i dont know if ive gotten to the point of that kind of complete personal acceptance yet where im not forgetting or ignoring anything. in fact, im positive i havent because im even writing this blog to tell you that im working on it.

the best part about it... is that im not doing it for you.
im doing it for me. because i need me in order to have you.

i think the strongest kind of love, is the love that doesnt steal. the kind of love where i can fully appreciate your being and my being individually and equally exist.
i love you.



oh, and p.s. if youre reading this too... then thats also pretty wild

On a different plane:

I don’t know what kind of class this sort of exercise would be mandatory for. But there are a WHOLE bunch of people (couples, actually, and when I say couples I mean just groups in pairs of two) that are walking around campus - one blindfolded, the other giving directions.

Its annoying.

And I’m wondering how well these students know each other… im going to be realistic and say that they don’t really at all. Its curious to me what sort of “lesson” the professor is hoping to teach. Trust? Now, as a onlooker of this exercise, I cant even begin to count the numerous looks I have seen on the non-blindfolded. There’s a pole about 10 feet to my left, and about 40% of the time when the couples walk by, I’ll see them snicker and look at each other like “Dare me to let this bitch walk into the pole?”

In general, I think its fair to say that people ‘care’ about one another. In general also, I think this is a pretty stupid exercise.

No Title

Sometimes I cant read you. The same way pen seeps when paper gets wet. Its fuzzy and illegible and the words turn into shades and shapes and gradients. Everything starts looking like something else.
(I am afraid of this)

Sometimes paper falls apart when it gets wet.
(I am afraid of this, too)